Bittersweet: Can she rebuild her life? Read online

  Alone. That’s how she felt. Her weekly calls to her mom were fluffy and light. Even the few friends she'd kept in touch with didn't want to talk about anything heavier than the current fashions or last week’s television show. No one wanted to talk about the two-ton elephant squeezing through the door and clomping into the room.

  Then again, most of the details of her life were classified.

  Even if she could talk about the case, her mom didn’t need to know about the beatings or the drugs she was forced to take, or the weeks of detox, or the demons taunting her to come back to the dark side.

  She intended to keep her life focused on happy. Yet the days on the East Coast grew tedious, so she decided to leave before she did something stupid, like plead with the FBI to give her a job.

  They’d give her an assignment in less than a heartbeat. In fact, her former boss kept calling every other week or so. He assumed she’d eventually cave. “Once in, you're in for life,” he reminded her.

  But she wouldn’t go back. Ever. Joy and contentment were just around the bend, and she wanted to create her slice of paradise.

  “So what's next for you?” Mara asked.

  “I have a few ideas, but I haven’t quite got the whole plan figured out. Sam was a big part of them, and it never occurred to me he'd be gone.” She shoved her salad plate away, her stomach cramping into a ball of regrets. “I held onto a dream of coming back to him. Marriage. Family. I always wanted a big family, but that’s not in the cards for me anymore.”

  “Please don’t say that,” Maura said. “When I lost my eyesight, I cried myself to sleep most nights, believing no one would love me. I thought I was a freak. Damaged goods. Then Joey came along. He didn’t see my blindness. He only saw me.”

  But what If I don’t want anyone to see me? I only want them to see my happy façade. The part of me who cares. The part who can do anything except expose my heart or allow people to love me.

  “Joe seems like a good man.”

  “He is. The best, especially since Sam's killer is behind bars. I can't imagine how he dealt with knowing about the corruption while being unable to say or do anything until he collected enough evidence. He kept his role on the special task force secret from everyone, even me. He was so determined to find Sam’s killer and clean up this town, he ended up living a double life, for me, for all of us. Just like you did.”

  Leza liked men who volunteered to be a hero. Heroism was most likely the reason why she fell for the small-town sheriff in the first place. Somehow the honorable man had worked his way into her heart, even though he had to tromp past three-foot-thick walls of resistance.

  The ringer? Sam made her laugh.

  Which was no small thing.

  She missed his in-your-face ways. Every time she turned around, there he was, doing his best to protect his people—even though he was in way over his head, which was why she’d been assigned to assess the situation before disappearing undercover.

  “Ladies.” The sheriff leaned in to kiss his wife’s forehead.

  “You’re late.” Mara scooted toward the wall. “Heath just left. He said he'd catch up with you later.”

  “I know. I talked to him for a few minutes in the parking lot. I meant to be here earlier, but I had to deal with a couple of things first. I’m sorry.”

  “Excuses. Excuses.” Mara’s words chastised, but teasing love set her face aglow.

  Leza downed some water to drown her envy of the sugary sweetness oozing from across the table.

  Joe unhooked the keys from his utility belt, and said to Leza, “I intended to make another key for Little Bear, but I haven’t had the time. Don’t lose this one. It’s the only one we have.” He placed the bronze-colored key on the table.

  “I appreciate you letting me stay in your place.” She pocketed the key. “As soon as I open a checking account, I’ll write a check for the deposit, and stop by the hardware store to have a couple of extra keys made if that’s all right with you.” Because keys and I have never been friends.

  Joe held up his hand giving her a no-rush signal. He shifted and his eyebrow lifted ever so slightly in an attempt to disguise his intent.

  Here come the questions. Her chin lifted, ready to tackle any question straight on.

  “If you don’t mind my asking…” Joe kept his body language casual, but she could see he wanted to lean forward and aim his pointed question, “...what happened to you after…you know?”

  Her breathing turned shallow and her heart whimpered. She could have given him her carefully crafted brush-off, but Sam’s brother deserved more. She’d played a part in Sam’s death, and his brother’s sacrifice gave Joe the right to know.

  At least a part of the truth.

  He didn’t need all the details. Heck, even she didn’t know all the details. Those confidential notes were locked away in the government’s computer database, hopefully to remain classified for a good, long time.

  “You mean after my team made my disappearance look like I had left town?” She huffed a laugh that didn’t hold a smidgeon of humor. “You should know I didn’t skip town without saying goodbye to your brother. I talked to him the night before I left.”

  “I know. I found the evidence you gave him.”

  “You?” Mara elbowed him in the ribs.

  “We,” he corrected with a smile, “we found the evidence. The documents painted a pretty nasty picture of corruption, drugs, and sex trafficking.”

  Yeah, well, the documents didn’t fill in all the details of the massive spread of corruption.

  “My assignment was to track the ring's movements by infiltrating the group in whatever way possible.”

  “Not an easy job.” Joe crossed his arms over his chest. “Why you?”

  “Why not me? My dad was killed in the Twin Towers, my mom remarried, and my best friend, Rylie, had suddenly disappeared. The FBI, CIA, DEA—no one could find her. The FBI decided a woman would be the best choice to fill the role.”

  “And now?”

  She untangled the hair wrapped around her dangling earring, more as a way to stall rather than focus on an unclear future.

  “I plan to live a tranquil life. Only clean and wholesome living from here. No life-and-death decisions to make.”

  “You should be able to make a comfortable life here, if you want to stay.”

  There’s nowhere else for me to go. “What do you think about a wellness retreat? A place where people can come to breathe mountain air, practice yoga or meditation, relax, schedule a massage, maybe do some hiking.”

  “Where do I sign up?” Mara's enthusiasm gave her a kick of confidence.

  Joe nodded, his eyes shifting in thought. “You might want to reach out to Rivers Black. He lives on the opposite ridge. He's been getting into essential healing oils lately. You two might have business interests in common. Not sure.”

  “Thanks. I'll reach out to him.”

  Mara placed her hand on Joe’s forearm. “What about the necklace?”

  Necklace? What necklace?

  Joe reached into his front pocket and retrieved a gold locket. “This is part of the reason I’m late. I had to sign this out of the evidence locker. I believe it belongs to you.”

  She didn’t hesitate to reach for her grandmother’s oval-shaped locket, which hung from a bent and broken gold chain akin to how she felt most days.

  She clasped it in both hands and held them against her chest. “Where did you find this?”

  Joe swallowed hard as he stiffened.

  “We found your necklace on a logging trail on Lonely Ridge.” Mara's voice held an underlying sympathy Leza didn’t understand.

  Joe pointed. “I believe Richard Clairemont used your necklace and a handwritten note to entice my brother out to the isolated spot where he was ambushed.”

  Leza clutched the gold chain. Her held breath pushed on the lining of her lungs. “I knew they had lured him out, but I didn’t know they used my necklace. I got him killed.” Leza rubbed
her temple. “So many people permanently damaged or dead.”

  Mara flailed her hand, trying to reach for her. Leza reached out and embraced Mara's hand between her palms.

  “No.” Mara's emphasis on the small word came out determined and strong. “You didn’t kill Sam. Clairemont did. Sam's death isn’t your fault.”

  “My brother was always a bit reckless,” Joe added. “He shouldn’t have gone alone.”

  Leza connected with the unfiltered anger still living in Joe’s eyes. “He didn’t know who to trust.”

  “He could have called in backup from Denver, or Vail, or any number of districts, but he chose not to.” Joe’s tone held judgment, and a tinge of anger. “His death is not your fault. All we can do is learn from his mistakes and move on.”

  Move on? How could she move on? A raw ache ripped through her chest walls. “I loved your brother, Sheriff, even if for a short time. He was the first man besides my granddad and father who understood me, and gave me the freedom to follow my heart. For that, he will always be a part of me.”

  “He’ll always be that little voice in my head,” Joe said softly, with an underpinning of regret.

  A presence at Leza’s side made her shift focus.

  “Look at this group of sorry, sad faces.” Jack dropped a drink coaster and an extra set of silverware on the table. “Good to see you, doll,” Jack winked at her.

  “Hey, boss.” She gave him a fist bump. “What’s cookin’?”

  “Same ol’ shit. You planning on coming back to waitress for me, or what?”

  “I hoped you might find me a spot. But the job would only be temporary. I plan to find a place in the area to open a wellness center.”

  “No shit. Are you giving the massages? Where do I sign up?”

  Her instant brow-lift signified her version of the middle finger.

  He tossed back his head and laughed. They’d discussed dating once, but it was a long time ago, and there would never be a once-upon-a-time between them. Her heart didn’t connect with the bar owner.

  “Well if you are not open for massages…” Jack leaned his hip against the large wooden beam separating the booths “…I guess I will have to find you something to do. Let me see. Good waitress. A hustler. Good barkeep. Yeah, I think I can find you a spot.”

  “Don’t get an aneurysm from thinking so hard.”

  A slow, crooked smile settled on Jack’s face. “We could use you on the volunteer rescue squad as well, if you’re interested.”

  Nice try, buddy. “Let me get settled first.”

  “You need to leave yourself enough time to open your wellness center,” Mara chimed in. “Let us know how we can help.”

  The tingling warmth from Mara’s support spread up Leza’s arms into her heart. “That’s right. Now I need to find a business location I can afford. I already found the perfect spot. It sat on acreage on the ridge overlooking the valley. The place fit all my needs. But I lost the spot to a higher bidder.”

  “The property must not have been the right place,” Joe said.

  Jack crossed his arms and leaned against the pole. “The perfect place will come along. You’ll see.”

  “I’ve never been very good at being patient.” Oddly, she felt an unexpected calm settle into place.

  The urgency to move on with living a life of her choosing had plagued her for several months. Thirty-five might be young by some standards, but she felt old.

  She took another stab at her salad. Life had shown her how few days a person could have, and she wanted to make every minute count.

  “I’m not worried. I already have a job and a place to stay, thanks to all of you. I’m good.”

  “That’s the attitude.” Mara smacked the table, then picked up her club sandwich. “Welcome to your new home, Leza.”

  Home. The first home she’d had in quite a while. “Glad to be here.”

  And she meant it. There was a time she didn’t believe she’d live another day.

  But, today—today was a new day.

  A day she was grateful to have.

  Chapter 4

  “I want him.” El pointed to the fawn boxer lying on a nylon spring bed inside the gated area.

  Heath picked up the plastic adoption fact sheet hanging on the kennel door. “You said you wanted a small puppy. A dog you could pick up. This dog has to weigh forty pounds or more.”

  “But he looks so sad.” She wrapped her fingers around the metal fencing. The dog’s ears flattened in fear and twitched to pick up different sounds. His big brown eyes watched El with skepticism and mistrust. “I bet he’s lost his mom, too.”

  Heath lowered to look at the dog. He didn’t seem aggressive, just unsure what to make of the humans staring at him. “He does look a bit sad.”

  The employees’ only entrance door opened, and Mara walked along the line of dog pens. “Any luck?”

  Heath read the fact sheet again. “What can you tell me about Gunther?”

  Mara slid her hand along the metal fence until she reached the third kennel. “Gunther is a young boxer male. The vet guessed he’s about two years old. We think his prior owner didn’t want him anymore and just dumped him off on the side of the road. A rancher found him about ten miles out of town. He’s shy, but good with other dogs and kids. I’ve worked with him a bit. He knows some of the basic commands.”

  “What about house training?”

  “He’s good there, too. He’s been neutered, and his shots are up-to-date.”

  “He’s pretty big.”

  Mara laughed. “He’s not as big as Goliath.”

  Heath glanced at the brindle Great Dane in the next kennel. “That’s true.”

  Mara reached for El’s shoulder. “If you want to bring Gunther home, you’ll need to train, feed, and take care of him. You don’t have a fence, so you'll need to take him for walks every day after school. Are you prepared to take care of a dog?”

  El stuck her nose through the fence wires. “I think he needs a friend. Someone who can love him.”

  Her baby-doll eyes swimming with fragile emotions connected with his, and just like that, saying no had been swept off the table.

  “I’ll take good care of him. Promise,” she said with a solemn conviction.

  Heath had no doubt he’d end up taking care of the dog, but if El wanted a dog, he wouldn’t stand in her way.

  “Why don’t I prepare a visiting room so Ellie can spend time with Gunther?”

  Gunther’s take-me-home-please-mister expression tugged at his heartstrings. No animal should be left in a cage. “What do you think, El?”

  Her big, lollypop grin meant he’d spend the afternoon buying a kennel, bed, food, and leash, because he’d just acquired a new family member.

  A sound snagged his attention when the back door opened and the newest town resident walked in the visitor door, from the office area. “Oh. Hi, Mara. I see you’re busy. I’ll come back later.”

  Leza’s face, brushed pink from the cold weather, drew a smile. Her clear-as-the-sky eyes deepened his interest. Today she had pulled her hair up into a ponytail and was wearing black spandex leggings and a bright teal down jacket to match her running shoes.

  Mara turned. “Would you mind waiting a minute? I just need to see if a make-friends room is available for Ellie and Gunther to get better acquainted. I’ll only be a minute.” Mara worked her way back to the employee entrance.

  “Gunther? Huh.” Leza waited until the door swung shut behind Mara before leaning over to see inside the gated room. “Boxers are supposed to be good with kids.” She shoved her hands into her pockets, keeping her distance from the cage.

  “Not a dog person, I take it.” Heath took the immediate shake of her head as proof.

  “I love animals. My mom has allergies, so I couldn’t have pets. I’m just not used to having animals around.”

  Ellie’s head jerked up. “My mom had asthma. She went to heaven, wherever that is.”

  “I’m sorry.” Leza took a st
ep closer. “I bet you miss your mom. I know when my dad died, I kept thinking he would walk back in the door one day,” she shrugged and crouched to El’s level, ”but he never did.”

  “You, too?” Ellie’s face brightened. “I keep having this dream where my mom visits me at night. She sits on the end of my bed and reads me a story about angels. When I wake up, she’s never there.”

  What? Wait! When? Heath stared at El, wondering why she’d never shared the dream with him.

  Leza leaned closer to the little girl. “There was this big park by our house,” she began in a wispy tone. “I used to love going there. I thought my dad might be this heron—you know, the tall, gray-blue bird?—who liked to hang out there. I thought maybe he’d come back to watch over me. Whenever I see a heron, I always wonder if it's my dad coming to visit.”

  “That’s cool.” Ellie’s hand jerked back from the gate. Her eyes brightened with awe. “Gunther licked my fingers.”

  Leza smiled. “That means he likes you. I bet he doesn’t lick just anyone’s fingers. You must be special.”

  “Ellie is very special.” Mara strolled back to the kennel like a seeing person, lifted a leash off the hook beside the kennel, and slowly opened the gate to let the young male walk to her. “Let’s spend time with your new friends, shall we?” Mara tightened the leash. “Ellie, how about you and I walk Gunther through the commands he’s learned so you can train him properly? Would you like that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?” Heath gave her a raised brow.

  “Please and thank you, Mara.”

  Heath gave El a gentle tap on the nose for approval.

  Ellie skipped ahead and followed Mara to the training area. He lagged a few steps behind to accompany Leza.